I woke up during the night with a start. I had had a bad dream about one of our little ones getting hurt. It was more than I could bear, and my mind chose to escape into reality! A peaceful, quiet, and safe reality.
I began to pray. I prayed longer and harder than I have in so long. In too long. And as I prayed, I realized that I just don’t pray enough. I have come to a place of dependence on myself, on my safe environment, on my own abilities, strengths, and mindset.
I was horrified. I confessed my sin.
To think that I can hold it all together, that I can protect my family; physically, emotionally, spiritually… it’s ludicrous. It’s unscriptural.
“We know that everyone who has been born of God does not keep on sinning, but he who was born of God protects him, and the evil one does not touch him.” 1 John 5:18
It’s all HIM. It’s all the One who died for me. It’s all the Protector, the Defender, the Gracious giver. It’s all HIM!
I walked into the room where our three children lay sleeping soundly. I touched each one. I prayed. I thanked. I savoured.
Here they were, under our roof. We know where they are at all times; what they do, what they think, how they think. We know they are safe, cared for, loved, cherished, protected, and belonging. And I blushed before my Maker as I thought of the many times I have wished the moments away. The countless inner thoughts I’ve had that the time would go by lightyears faster than it does. That our children will be off and away, and I can do what IIII want, when IIII want to…
Oh how I AM dependent on my Saviour to have the ability to savour the months, weeks, days, and moments during this precious and short season of life.
In 8 or 9 summers, my beautiful, eldest princess will be leaving the nest. A summer or two behind her, my son, and a couple behind him, the next. How brief this season is. So brief.
My prayer is that my heart would be changed, my mind renewed, and my desire rekindled to enjoy and be content with each phase of life. To invest fully into the given season, and to savour the blessings…
Because your steadfast love is better than life,
my lips will praise you.
So I will bless you as long as I live;
in your name I will lift up my hands.